1 post tagged “unrequited love”

Have you ever been on either end of an unrequited love? 

Haha, well, I'm always on one end! I don't have anyone I'm crushing on right now (for a change), but from the age of 12 until the age of 18, it was pretty much just one big string of one unrequited crush after the other. I've come to learn that I am pretty much impossible at crushing on anyone who I might actually have a chance with. Oh, well, no, that's a lie. I have had two boyfriends and one girlfriend in that time. But for some reason, I've come to learn that the minute I confess and am accepted, I lose that crush. So... this is why I don't confess anymore! Well, there are other reasons too. But I like to treasure my crushes for the things they are-- silly little bouts of affection towards people I admire a lot, that make me feel happy and put a spring in my step. And confessing kind of ruins that. In short: I like to admire people from afar, but I dislike rejection and I dislike relationships (and people getting too close to me, and committment) even more.

So I guess you could say I've learned not to take crushes too seriously. I'm no longer fourteen and having delusions of "true love", but I'm having fun at the same time. Because crushes ARE fun if you go about it the right way. Unrequited love doesn't have to be angsty. Oh, what do you know-- shoujo manga is educational!

As for the other thing, I wouldn't know! I-- oh, okay, that's a lie too. I have had two guys and a girl confess to me that I've had to reject on the basis of only ever seeing them as a friend (two rejections of which I DEEPLY regret to this day). At least I've managed to remain friends with one of them, though, so I'm glad for that. I've had another person confess to me anonymously, but... as it was anonymous, there's nothing much I can do about it in either direction. (I guess that's the charm in confessing anonymously? I dunno, I've never gone for it, but I can see why some people would.) I wish I knew who they were, but I... still have absolutely no idea \o/! Which is WEIRD, because normally, I can tell when somebody has a crush on me! (Yeah okay, those three times when those other people confessed and I said I had no idea they had a crush on me? Lies. All lies. I'M SORRY!! Even though they'll never read this. But you know, it is awfully awkward when someone confesses to you to answer "Yeah, ahaha, actually, I kind of guessed.")

I crush a lot on other people myself, as I just said above, so I like to think that I'm pretty in-tune to the sorts of standard behavioural patterns people have when they realise they have a crush on you! (And this is even more obvious if they acquire it when you're already partway into the friendship and their behaviour suddenly changes.) And, okay, while I admit I haven't been the closest friend this year and last... it kind of bothers me that I cannot tell at all who it is. Unless it's someone I don't talk to on a regular basis, which I guess I could accept, but would find weird on some level because... when you have a crush on someone, don't you want to be around them as much as possible?

Auugghhhhh, I dunno! I've rambled enough for today. I'mma end it there.